Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
