hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
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