I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
