Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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