Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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