Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
