Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
