I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
