Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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