grandma shit on top of the toilet
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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