I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Randomize
