I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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