hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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