I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I cut my penus on the lid.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Randomize
