im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
