Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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