bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
