y did u give ur computer a hand job?
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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