i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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