normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
