so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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