sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
