My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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