Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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