Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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