Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
