I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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