so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
