can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Randomize
