Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
