You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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