ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize