what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
