if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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