Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
