so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
