so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Are my feet made of real feet?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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