U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
