I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
