The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
