Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
