i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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