So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
