Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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