drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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