She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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