she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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