you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
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