i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
a search helicopter?!
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
