If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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