How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
