Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
