Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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