U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
