So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
