In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
being pregnant is like rehab
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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