why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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