She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
