According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
