Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
