She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize