Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
