i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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