her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize