Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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