I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I forgot how hot balto sounded
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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