If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
