he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
