you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
