we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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