So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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