She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
