Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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