just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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