You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
