is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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