I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
