mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
