I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
