My nipple is on Facebook.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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