she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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