wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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