Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
