You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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