Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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