We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
