if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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